Column Doris Schweizer #5

It's been a while since my last blog, well 6 months to be precise. Meanwhile a lot has changed in my life...

I'm on my way to Tucson (Arizona) to meet my new team InstafundRacing. I'm so excited, I waited 2 years for the moment to race in the US (travel ban for EU), now the season opener is so close. It's supposed to be my last year as a professional rider and I'll take you on my journey into retirement.

Today I'll talk about quitting my job, returning to racing, findinghappiness in Colombia and the biggest failure of my career.

In july my life changed dramatically. A lot of people in Switzerland started to get extremely tired of the restrictions and on top of it, the mask mandatory. Aggressive and grumpy guests became part of the daily business. It's exhausting to have those discussions over and over again. I thought we hit rock bottom until 4 guys stood in front of me refusing to wear a mask or leaving the restaurant. They became extremely aggressive towards me but I didn't crack. One of them almost punched me

in the face, glad his friend was smart enough to hold him back. They threw some very bad words at me. I don't really remember the next couple of minutes after they left but I know that I sat down in the back of the kitchen and was shaking. This could have ended worse, much worse... The following week one of these guys was waiting outside of the restaurant asking about me. I've got a panic attack but played it down towards my workers. The next day, the same guy showed up again. This

time I couldn't hide my panic anymore and we called the police. I had to answer a lot of questions and they told me to take this seriously because they are very well-known. Some workers told me later that one'sthe head of the drugs scene. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel safe anymore. Sometimes I cried myself into sleep but I couldn't find much of it anyway. I showed up at work every day, but I wasn't the same anymore. I lost my smile and my passion and I constantly was looking out for them. It drove me crazy, completely crazy. My life had no colour anymore, there was only black & white. Only riding my bike added some light colour once in a while. Every day, I had to face my enemy and ask people to wear their masks, show me their certificats etc. It has taken out a lot of me, more than anyone recognised. My privatelife turned upside down as well at the same time but it's nothing I want to share here. It just has been a very difficult time which has changed me a lot.

In september I flew to Colombia for the first race since the pandemic hit. Straight away I fell in love with this country. I felt so happy there from the first step I made out of the plane. I saw the world in all its colours again. The first stage is always fast and furious. As we were heading into the last intermediate sprint, I was riding around 10th position when someone rode into my frontwheel and I flew all over the highway. I got up but damn, I had so much pain in my ellbow and back. I looked at our mechanic but neither could I scream nor saying anything, the pictures say it all... I went back on the bike and finished the stage. My ellbow got very big but I could move it, so can't be that bad, right?! Well, later at home, it turned out that it was broken... Anyway, giving up wasn't an option after 2 years without a stage race! Somehow I even had to laugh about all the bad luck in my life, maybe it wanted to show me something? Also on the first day, we got stopped by the police because of protests going on and we became friends with Tatta, our personal police escort for the week. She's young but super tough and the coolest police officer we've ever met! Sometimes she bought us fresh pineapple on the way home, she asked the most awkward questions which made me laugh so hard and she was a badass motorcycle rider. We connected in a different way than the rest of the group, we became friends. One day, I asked her if I can ride home with her on the motorcycle. Of course first she said no, but the next day, she let me ride the last part on it. So much fun!! Before she left, she gave me one of her police hats, the coolest gift ever! We've had a lot of fun within the team and it was a very successful week as well with Shoko finishing 7th in GC. 

I really enjoyed racing aggressive, represent us in the breakaways and protecting our leader. All of a sudden, racing seemed to be the easiest thing in the world, at least until you have to dig very very deep... The night before the last stage in Bogotà (2600m) I've got food poisoning. I was completely empty and already riding to the start location felt like a big effort. The course was brutal and I don't know how I made it through the stage because everytime going up "the wall" I wasn't sure if my legs can do that. I didn't enjoy that, it was torture but I was happy to finish the Tour. This was the moment I knew, that I want to add another year in cycling because despite everything, I still really enjoyed it!Straight after that I went on a 4-days-hiking Tour in the Sierra Nevada in the North of Colombia. "The lost city", a magic place, you can only reach by hiking and sleeping outside. We had to go through deep mud, crossing rivers (because no bridges), came into heavy rain or were melting in the humidity. Everyone suffered at some point but we were a very good group and it was one of my most memorable adventures. Out in the nature, I reconnected tomyself. Afterwards I spent 2 more weeks with Jessy, our teammanagers Colombian girlfriend. I loved every day in Colombia and I enjoyed the culture somuch. The people are so welcoming, friendly and offering. It was hard to leave because I was so so happy there!

Coming home meant going back to work. Going back to a life that was so different from the life in Colombia. More and more I felt how dreams which I gave up to pursue a cycling career started to bubbling inside me. But I was living a life in which was no room for dreams or daydreaming... I started to question a lot. December was extremely busy at work, I had more trouble with guests and the vaccination-discussion lead to more unexpected difficulties within the company. With the training, some filming for a documentation and writing this blog, it became too much. I felt so much pressure and I didn't wanted to disappoint anyone. The next month was pure self-destruction. Several times, I went to work sick and of course it ended badly. I've got a bacterial infection in my mouth and I was on antibiotics for a week. This, my general non-well being and my desire to develop were enough that I found the courage to quit my job and head into the nowhere...! I quickly started to feel better and asked me the uncomfortable questions where I want to go after my cycling career and if I may have failed on my way? The answer to the first question has always been in my heart but there has been a dream bigger than any other: becoming a professional cyclist. 

 

Over the years, this started to change. Maybe because I was living my life dream and maybe because I changed through my experiences, I don't really know. I'm going to work in Norway during summer and still will have a lot of time for training. This was a dream that sat in my mind for quite a while. I'm a bit nervous but I also feel ready for this challenge. Already in highschool I discovered my love for Scandinavia but it wasn't the best place to become a cyclist, that's why I didn't went on an exchange year back then. After the season I'll do an internship in Spain which I need for my studies in the company of two friends. I'm very much looking forward to this because I saw their business growing from the first days and it's something I probably see myself in the future. Right now, I just feel so so happy and grateful for the next steps into retirement. And I think it shows my character very well. A taste of adventure, an inconvenient road and the courage to follow my heart. Most importantly, I slowed down my life to enjoy my last season and to take on the next steps empowered and happy. I know, the day of my very last race might be hard but deep inside me, I also know that there is more in the World that I want to explore and this desire grew a lot since my trip to Colombia. Being part of a North-American team has been my last dream in cycling and it's just so awesome that I get to experience this in my last year! It all just feels right how it's going now...

Coming back to the question about failure... I failed to combine professional cycling with a full-time (non-remote) job, but I see thisfailure as my biggest gift. This journey has shaped me into the person I am today, not perfect, but with peace in my heart and a lot of dreams in my mind.I think it is possible to combine professional cycling with a full-timejob or education shorttherm but not longterm. It's a life over the limit. On paper, it all seems manageable but we're all human beings and have our needs. It's a balance act that can get outof control very easily. You cut an hour of sleep there, you stay longerat work another day, you say yes to a project, you cancel a coffee date. Small things that add up. It sucks you out emotionally.I wasn't happy anymore and it wasn't easy to admit that this life hasasked a little too much from me. The day, I quit my job, it felt likewalking out of a prison. For the next two weeks I stay in Tucson with my team before I head backto Europe. I'm really excited about this year and I'll keep you posted about all our adventures and my transition into retirement.