Column Doris Schweizer #4

When Jens said that I am a great representative of Swiss Cycling, I had to laugh. Was it a joke? Obviously not. Somehow this statement just stuck in my mind for quite some time because I am “persona non grata” for the Swiss federation. In the past, this has been hard on me sometimes; today I see myself as an athlete that came with a personality and found my place as a cyclist in Italy. Maybe I’m a good example that sports can connect people from different cultures and that you can create your own luck by listening to your heart and going your own way. Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations and many roads lead to Rome...

 This week, the Swiss national championships ITT took place on the exact same course as I won in 2015. With my time back then, I’d still have come in 2nd. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as they always told me... I didn’t race this year. It felt right. I think I wouldn’t have had a good racebecause I really can’t put up with certain people anymore. At the moment, I am in an altitude camp in Livigno to prepare for my first races with my team “Illuminate” in August. It’s such a positive and encouraging environment up here - exactly what I need to be happy, focused and to get the best out of myself. I’m glad that I had the serenity to make this decision. I wish I have had that earlier in my career; I would have been untroubled by a lot of painful experiences.
 
I've won five national titles and I represented my country at Worlds but I never felt that national pride which is usually expected to come with it. The Olympics are knocking at the door, and while most athletes feel super excited and honored about representing their countries, I struggle to find this pride myself. When I stood on the podium at Worlds 2014 in Ponferrada with my Italian team “Astana Bepink”, I felt this pride. The moment when the Italian flag was raised was the most special moment of my career. This medal I won for Italy, that’s something unique, something that I am incredibly proud of. As a cyclist, I feel Italian. They lovingly called me “l`italiana”. The Italians adopted me from the first day; I kind of grew up as a cyclist in Italy. Italy welcomed me with open arms and has given me all the opportunities I didn’t get in my country. In this blog I’ll talk about why I feel this way, why I adore the Italian cycling culture and why I will cheer for the Italian women’s road team, and in particular for Elisa Longo Borghini, in Tokyo 2021.

First, I’ll try to give you an understanding of what the situation looked like in Switzerland when I started cycling about 10 years ago. I was a relatively late starter into cycling and competitive sports. I was very strong physically but I had huge deficits in all other parts. During training camps and races, I was constantly treated poorly. Things like not receiving a massage, getting shouted at because I didn’t
know how to make up positions in a bunch, taking a bottle with 40km/hrs, how to move in the caravan, getting dropped on the descent, or for whatever reason they could find. When something didn’t go to plan, it was always me who had to take the blame, even if it wasn’t my fault. I quickly learned to transform my pain into power, I used every stitch in my heart to dig a little deeper, to fight harder. The races with the national team were my only chance to earn a contract outside of my country, that’s why I let them walk over me again and again. When we first raced in Italy, I knew straight away: that’s the place I want to go, I want to be a part of one of those teams. To see their friendship, joy, passion, team spirit and professionalism, it was so inspiring for me! And there was this Swiss rider, Nicole Brändli, who had just won the Giro Rosa. That day, I decided I wanted to participate in this race – the biggest GrandTour for women!
 
Over my career, I don’t know how many times I had to show up with my coach at the headquarter of the Federation because of non-selections (as a sanction) or because I said something they didn’t like: I lost count. It was more about my coach than about me. I could have changed my coach and I would have had a lot more opportunities, but I was convinced that he’s the best coach for me to become the best version of myself and he was the only person I trusted. This is probably the decision that kept me inside cycling! When I graduated from high school, I set myself the timeframe of a season to get a contract on a professional team, otherwise I’d put the bike on a nail and go to university. The same year, at the U23 Europeans in Offida, Italy, I became 4th in the ITT. I missed a medal by a few seconds, but for me, it was like a win. I beat a lot of professional riders like Longo Borghini, Amialiusik or Cordon-Ragot. Another strong performance in the road race offered me the door to race for an Italian professional team. I wasn’t super young anymore, but I was still very new to the sport. There were around 150 Italian riders, but they offered me a contract, so they must have seen something in me. A dream became true. I felt so honored and so free when I left Switzerland. Now my career could start...
 

From the very first moment, I felt very welcome and it was a privilege to go through the “Italian cycling school”. The Italian riders adopted me quickly and they were very patient in teaching me the simplest things like taking a corner right, how to start an echelon, how a sprint train works or how to fuel during a race. Nobody ever was so generous in offering advice like my new Italian teammates, and I really appreciated that. In Italy, they respect the female riders. They value their results and their effort; it’s a profession. In Switzerland, as a female cyclist by that time, you were nothing. People told you that you are not a real athlete, not training as hard as the men, and in one team I was even told that I should wear make-up for races – to attract men/sponsors or what?! I didn't wanted to get paid for looking nice, I wanted to be seen as an athlete. That was the reality by the time I got into cycling... I didn’t want to put up with that situation in Switzerland. To find an environment where I feel comfortable and happy, there was no other option than leaving my country.
 

The following year, 2013, the World Championships took place in Tuscany, Italy. I also became national road race champion for the first time. My Italian trade team supported me extremely well building up towards that race, it was important to represent the team sponsors on home soil and with this jersey also came a lot of pressure and attention which wasn’t easy to handle for me. I was a bit heartbroken because I didn’t get selected for the ITT, especially because I lost the national title by one second because I took a wrong turn. The whole team was like a family, they were there for me when really needed them. I still have the red bracelet with cloverleaves which they gave me as atalisman for the road race title. A small thing, but the gesture behind made it so precious. I did the TTT with my trade team there. After this race the national coach came to me and told me that I have to race the ITT in 2 days. I refused because I wasn’t prepared and my focus already was on the road race; I wanted to honor the jersey with a good result. Because I didn’t accept the offer, I had to pay for the hotel myself for 2 days otherwise I had to travel back and forth. All the men pro riders arrived the same day and they didn’t have to pay anything... It was almost a month’s salary for me! With the decision to not take part in the ITT, I put a lot of pressure on my shoulders for the road race: I had to deliver and justify my decision. Every time I saw that bracelet, I knew there will be people on the road who will cheer for me at the race which kept my motivation high. One day, I and another rider went out for training. To our surprise, Luca Guercilena, the mens DS, supported us by car. On the top of a climb, he stopped and offered us a coke and some snacks. It may sound very strange, but I wasn’t used to being treated like that within the national team. Remembering this situation so well says enough... It wasn’t about the coke (I didn’t took it btw), it was about how he mademe feel.

 
The day after Worlds 2015 in Richmond, the whole women's road program stopped and with that our national coach got fired. At that point, I didn’t need the national team anymore, but there were young riders who’s careers came to an immediate stop or were in jeopardy. I couldn’t hold back my disappointment. Wouldn’t it have been fair to cut half of the women’s program and half of the mens program?! How would you explain a 16 years old girl that she can’t do this sport but her brother can? I publicly stood behind Christian Rocha, our national coach. That was my last straw...

Everything he built up within 4 years, they threw away within a day! With that my Olympic dream blew up too, I just didn’t knew by then... That year, I got kicked out of the national team after the European Championships in Switzerland where I almost won a medal in the Scratch. The director of Swiss Cycling told me straight to my face in front of everyone that I didn’t deserve to race there and that I wouldn’t be a part of the national team next year because I spoke up against the federation! I never went back to the track/headquarters. My bike is still there... When I found out just before the Giro Rosa, that I am not on the shortlist for the Olympics in Rio2016 (that means they can’t select you), I was done!That year, I became double national champion and had a really great Giro Rosa. Actually I had a very strong season but I often sacrificed my own result for the team’s successes. Maybe sometimes I was too generous and selfless... It’s difficult because in the end, only one rider getsthe result and the attention but it’s a team sport. I think I just did my job without ever questioning it. You can’t just read results black and white, but that’s what often happens when it comes to selections from federations. The whole bunch was wondering why I wasn’t going to the Olympics. I tried to talk it down and focus on the race, but deep inside at that point, it was a very difficult situation. Doing so well at the Giro definitely didn’t made it any easier... I worked four years towards that goal and I was ready at the exact right time. The decision was about politics and PR, not about performanceor potential. That’s when the Olympic fire burnt out in me.

Two weeks ago, the Women's Tour de Suisse took place over 2 days. I was moderately enthusiastic about it. The riders made for a good race but there are a lot of open questions regarding sponsorship, development of the race into a Worldtour event or the length/route of the tour. The first edition was founded by a fund from the goverment that was given for the Worldchampionships in Martigny 2020 which got cancelled due to Covid-19. Basically, there were no sponsors found for the women’s event. Is it realistic to get enough sponsors on board fornext year? Maybe the organizers just jumped on the hype of equality? I don’t know. From the bottom of my heart, I wish to see racing the
women’s peloton up and down the Alps, including the infamous “Tremola”, in the near future. That’s where I want to see women's cycling in Switzerland! I agree that we need more races on the calendar but we don’t just need more, what we really need is well-organized and high quality events. More isn’t always better. There is still a lot of work to be done, let’s not forget about this by all the excitement!

But we can get excited about stories that the Olympic Games will bring out! I’m sure we will see different Games than we were used to due to the Covid-19 regulations in Japan but also due to the year that lies behind those athletes. One of the athletes I hope will get into the spotlight there is Elisa Longo Borghini. She came out a lot stronger from the lockdown. She's had a very impressive season so far and I have the feeling she’s in the shape of her life after her altitude camp in Sestriere. I’m keen to see how she battles against a very strong dutch team. Italy was one of the countries that were hit hardest by Covid-19. Where did she find the motivation to train inside for months? How did the lockdown and the tragedy in her country change her mindset as an athlete? I think Elisa is a great representative of our sport, Italian cycling, and her country. No matter if she’ll become Olympic Champion or not, she's already an inspiration for a generation of young talented riders that got held back by the pandemic. Crossing borders between Italy and Switzerland during my rides here in Livigno is always a special moment. For a long time, I struggled to find my place between the two countries and cultures but during the lockdown I`ve got some perspective on my life and I figured that out. As a cyclist, I feel italian. In working life, I feel swiss. In private life, I combine both cultures. That`s why I will cheer for the italian team. It doesn`t mean I don`t want to see the swiss rider, Marlen Reusser, succeed. I often get misunderstood in this regard. If I had one wish for my retirement, I`d wish, the swiss one day would understand why I had to leave and that Icould bring a lot of experience and knowledge back, but this would require they`ll open the door for me. As I said, it`s just a wish and not arealistic scenario.